Sugar Lumps

Sometimes I can't help but feel that I'm being left behind.I'm running the race of life but I'm coming in behind everyone else.I've got the good runners but they're getting me nowhere,I look the part but I still can't win.Good things are happening,the path is smooth but the I hit a sharp corner,my optimism doesn't expect it and I'm down with a crash.

I don't want to be the red faced friend that rubs you on the back when you're upset but have to sit by myself when I am.I don't want to smile and sort everything out so that you can progress but know that I'll never change.I don't want to be the one who's painfully shy and sits and watches while you wrap yourself around any guy you can find.I don't want to be like that either but I don't want to sit like a wall flower in the corner,a decoration with little to give.That's what it feels like,I'm there to be looked at but nothing more.I don't want to be the joker but never the friend.I don't want to just be funny,I want to be cool.I don't want to be the lyrics,I want to be the song.I want to be pretty,not just have pretty clothes.I want to escape but something's holding me back.I want to be your friend not your rucksack,why can't you carry your own crap?!

I want to feel important,not just like every other person.I want you to run with me not miles ahead because you know I won't mind.Coming last is fine,I'll joke it off,I always do.Failing is inevitable in life,right?Everyone knows that?!I say that but sometimes I have to work hard to convince myself that it's true.

I want to surf like nobody has before,find my thing that nobody can take me down on.I wanna be great at something that's not teaching or telling people they're fantastic or writing peoples essays for which I don't get the credit.I wanna find that thing right now.I want to excel and be the one at the front of the race.

I want to be more than just the super milk that hangs in the back of the fridge.I want people to realise that nobody can have everything.It's okay to have compassion but not confidence,it's okay to love McFly and not Bon Iver.It's okay to smell like Eternity and not Chanel and it's okay to prefer John to Edward,it's okay to want to stay home and not go out.It's okay to not mind being by yourself and it's okay to go for a walk in a dress.It's okay to be the mature one sometimes and it's okay to have made mistakes,that's what I tell myself anyway?!

I want to surprise people in some way,I don't want them to become complacent with the way I am.Mostly, I wish I didn't feel that I needed people's approval.I wish I didn't care what they thought.I wish I was just running the race for fun not for competition.I wish I could say all these things to you and explain how you've upset me but I know I'd stutter.I can write for hours and I never forget where I'm going.I know I will win this race some day,when it's my time I've just gotta keep training.