Sun

'You don't need to fear,I'm always near.Never too far from where you are'.

I don't have much to say in this blog only that the sun is shining!! :) It's a beautiful day!Life can be dark and clouded with hard things but the sun is never far away.God is there too!!Just gotta look behind the clouds.


I'll leave you with this song.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rk38UIpxkN8

Daffodil

I know this girl.Her life is filled with beautiful,pretty things.She has lots of friends and an amazing family.She listens to quirky music and wears quirky clothes.She's funny and kind.From the outside she seems confident and outgoing.From the outside everything looks like it's okay.


She does silly things and goes silly places.These don't matter though 'cos people love her for it.She feels silly for feeling the way she feels.People tell her she's pretty but she doesn't believe it.She blasts her music loudly while walking quickly in an attempt to block thoughts out.She's scared and she doesn't know what to do.She stays up all night thinking.Thinking about the things that are out of her control.She worries uncontrollably about things that are bigger than she could ever imagine.She lets thoughts consume her and take over her life.She runs away from things but she's not good at running.She tends to fall and tire herself out.She loves people unconditionally and values friendships over anything else.She strives to please people and is scared of upsetting them.

She's like the lemon coloured daffodil amongst all the other yellow ones.Often overlooked because she's a bit different.She doesn't fit the stereotypical,perfect form.The others get picked before her and she's left to fight the wind and the rain.She feels like the other flowers that she's trusted have been picked and brought inside.They know everything about her but they're no longer with her.She has to fend for herself.She looks like she's strong by herself but inside she's worrying...torturing herself with thought.Thoughts that won't leave her alone.Thoughts that follow her.Her thoughts are like glitter.They look like a small amount of things but if spilled they separate all over the floor and stick to everything.They stick there,shining.She can't get them off her mind.


She has one thing she wants to say.One issue she wants to resolve.She knows what to do but she's scared to do it.She's letting past experience follow her like a shadow,she's scared to step into the sun.She knows herself so well and this scares her..she's convinced herself she'll never do it.She needs to take a leap but instead she's taking baby steps.


I know this girl and she's the greatest friend you could ask for.She's loving through and through.There's nothing she wants more than your approval.She won't judge you regardless of what you've done.This girl is the lemon daffodil and she stands out from the crowd.She's different 'cos she's genuine and she shouldn't be ashamed of that.She feels the way she feels because she's human and she shouldn't be scared.She's hurt but she shouldn't let it get her down.I want to help her but I don't know how...

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a hearing world as a deaf person.I know what I want to say but the world isn't providing me with a means to do so.I can wave my hands all I like but people still don't understand.I can point and hint but nobody will get the full message. I have had this thought in my head for months an I know I should do something about it.I know I should buy I'm scared.I'm scared of the consequences if it all goes wrong and I'm scared of what other people will think.I'm letting this thought consume me to the point that I can't think of anything else.Its everywhere I go.I feel like I can't fully explain myself if I'm dependant on my voice alone. I feel like a little car stopped behind a big bin truck,I can't see around this obstacle.I am indicating,hinting,hinting,hinting.I look like I know what I want and where I am going but in reality I am the terrified learner in the driver seat.I'm not experienced enough at life to judge situations.As I indicate I must look in the rear view mirror.What's behind me scares me and holds me back.In order to move forward you must learn from the past but I'm scared what I see in the mirror,scared that something just as daunting could be on the other side of this truck.I can't see what's ahead of the truck and it's fear of the unknown that's wearing me down.My wing mirror gives me little insight,I can see me,the car.I look confident but in reality I'm not.I'm stuck there,indicating,hesitating,scared to move.I'm hoping someone will take the wheel and drive for me.If I sit there any longer I'll begin to run out of fuel,tiring myself out. So,I can make excuses all I want.I can blame my lack of confidence,or fear.Reality is before long the bin truck will move off.Eventually I'll be faced with the open road.I can't hide behind the truck forever.Real life isn't a blog and I can't always use imagery to explain myself.I will soon reach a point when I will have to bite the bullet and say what I want to say.

Ice Cream

So this week I've spent a lot of time in the library.This is a new thing for me.Usually if I have a reading week I would find every excuse not to read and keep myself busy doing something else.This week I decided it would be different!I made it my mission to come in everyday even if it meant sacrificing my social life.Normally I would put off coming in here until the very last minute.


I'm one of those people who tends to drag things out for ages.I never want to go home when I'm having a good time and I never want to end a conversation that I'm really enjoying.I always suck every last drop out of a carton of Ribena and make it last for as long as I can.I always wear shoes until they've fallen to pieces and admittedly sometimes I let the joke keep going until it gets way too old.But one thing I never do is keep an ice-cream for long enough that it melts.


You see,sometimes you can spend so long holding on to an ice-cream,enjoying it.You'll hold it 'til the cone goes all soggy and the runny white stuff runs down your hand.You spend ages concentrating on how you will save it,licking around the edges,savouring every last bit.But what good is holding on to a runny ice-cream?,it never tastes good when it's all melted.You'll enjoy it more the way it was at the start.


I suppose,what I'm getting at is that sometimes you spend so much time thinking about how you will save something or thinking about how badly you don't want something to end that you forget to enjoy what's happening around you.I know for me I tend to worry about stupid things and not focus on the big picture a lot of the time.


Don't treat life like an Ice-cream.Enjoy living in the now.Don't worry about holding on to things that are out of your control,the runny ice-cream will drip all it wants and give you sticky hands.Overthinking things gets you nowhere and you become like the soggy cone,all shrivelled up and good for nothing.