Noam Chomsky

Okay,Noam Chomsky is this language acquisition theorist ( note that his name sounds like Nomi,a common joke in college).He believes that there is a critical period in which a person can learn a language with ease.Within this period they can get a grasp on grammar rules almost subconsciously but outside of it it seems more difficult.I haven't decided if I fully agree with him yet.I always found french and Irish hard in school but never had a problem with English,only that I wrote too much.I think to put an upper limit on something might be a bit harsh.


I think that and then I think again.There's an age where you begin to stop playing with your barbie dolls and give them away.There's an age when you realize the bells you thought you heard on the roof every christmas eve were just your imagination and the red dots on your face are not freckles but a sign that you're growing up.


There comes a time when you have to throw that old yoghurt out of the fridge and when your 7up has gone to flat to drink.There comes a day when those rosy cheeks your parents told you were cute need to be hidden from society and there comes a stage when you have to consider whether or not you can really make someone believe what you want them to.


I was hanging out with a friend today and it seems like they think that Christianity is something you just grow out of.They think you reach a certain age and it's not relevant anymore.Stories like Noah's ark are for kids and anything after that is none of their concern.Singing songs at beach missions was nice but once you have to step up and lead it's not for you.I don't know for sure but that's the way it seems.


As I grew up my opinions shifted from believing what my parents and teachers told me straight off to going and finding out for myself.I remember my mum told me a Greenday song mentioned drugs and as a wannabe rocker yet obedient oldest daughter I made it my business to find out for myself.(The song did mention drugs but I never admitted it,I could get away with the hoody but put drugs into the equation and it was a goner!)It was at this stage that I decided I could listen to what I wanted,I was my own free person.I had surpassed the stage where my parents had complete control.


I guess there is a certain progression there and a stage that you move on from.I used to believe everything I heard about God until I reached a point where I questioned it all and it made me look deeper into things,I guess in a sense that was my critical period.It all happened at the right time and now that I'm outside of it I find it hard to see why I had those doubts.What I'm going to explain next will seem critical and if you're reading this I don't want you to think I haven't asked spiritual questions myself.


So I spend most weekends having conversations with one of my friends.They ask me numerous questions that I struggle to answer about faith and God and the church.Usually things that never bother me,'why does my brother get to go out and have fun while I study?' or 'why do people have a good time for years and then decide they want to be Christians when they're too old to do it anymore?'.I see these things that as part of God's plan.The topics get bigger and bigger,'why does God allow suffering?','why me?".it goes on and on.It tires me out and most times I come away feeling upset and dissapointed.I care a lot about this person and it upsets me to the point that I cry sometimes.


I don't mind talking about these things,as a friend that's what I'm there for and as a Christian I'm a constant witness.When someone in college asks me about my faith I have no problem sharing.When a stranger asks me I have no problem.It's when it's closer to home that it's harder to explain yourself.When you're talking to someone and the friendship between you started based on your belief it can be really difficult.


At the beginning I used to thrive on it,knowing God was using me to help get them back on track.Today I feel almost like I've outlived my critical period.I don't know if I'm any good anymore.I still answer in the same way and with the same passion and conviction that I had before but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere.It's like when I used to learn french and I would learn off all the verbs with the same enthusiasm every time but I could never get a grasp on them.It's like I have all the vocabulary but not the structure to put it all together in such a way to win my friend back.I feel like maybe I need a new teaching method or a new illustration.When I'm teaching sign or religion I relate everything back to real life.This is my friends life though and it's hard to compare real with real.I know he's put her in this stage for a reason but it's hard for me to explain that.Stage and phase are very short term words and I fear that they think even if they return to God it'll be a short-lived thing.


How do you convince someone that God is for every phase of your life?He's not just there to look after you in the early days while you learn how to walk and talk and he's not just there when you and your boyfriend are getting along really well.He doesn't set upper limits and he loves you regardless of your age or what you've done.My friend is much smarter than I will ever be but they don't seem to get that.


I realize this post seems a bit down beat and I don't mean it to.I find writing things down makes it clearer in my head and even if I don't publish posts my mind is clearer afterwards.I'm honored that I'm an ambassador for God!Ambassador is a big word and one that suggests prestige but also a lot of responsibility.I guess what I need to remember is that God has made me his ambassador for life not just for a critical period and I have a duty to do that.I'm an ambassador and not God himself,I can promote him and work to please him but he has the control.He decides what happens.Ultimately he is in control.

Nalachi Pakalum

I should be studying but I'm wrecked and scared.Whenever I get scared of something I want to run away.I have great escape routes thought out in my head,I'll pack up this college nonsense and take what I already know somewhere else.Where I really want to be is India!I've been pushing the thought to the back of my mind for ages now,knowing that it's not my time to go back yet.I was talking to a friend today who has been there too.He thinks I'm crazy for loving it so much and can't understand why I'd ever want to go back.

So why do I want to go back?In all honestly I can't put in to words the feeling that I get even thinking about it.Even writing this I am grinning at the thought.I have butterflies in my tummy and my heart is pounding,not in that weird 'I've just run a mile' kinda way but the way it does when something super exciting is about to happen.Just thinking about it I'm imagining hundreds of sincere smiling faces greeting me on street corners.I'm remembering the little hands that reached up to touch mine.I'm remembering the warmth and generosity that welcomed me and I'm remembering the humble talents that were everywhere to be seen.


I'm remembering the silk material that clung to my skin and the monkeys that stole our food.I'm remembering the fascination people found in my red face and my then blonde hair(even if people pulled at it during church services!).I'm remembering the cool breeze that swept across my face as we drove through the village and the horror when we nearly crashed into a cow.I'm remembering the dusty ground that destroyed my flipflops and the dry grass that met with it at the edges.I'm remembering the tamil church hymns that I didn't understand and the smell of curry that surrounded the place.I'm remembering the plastic keyboard that only played a few notes but the passion that came from the people in their singing.I remember the burning sun that made my arms all red and the dogs that I ran away from for fear I'd get rabies.I remember the stick I had to carry to scare of snakes and I remember being a completely different person to who I am now.

I remember the scorching sun and the smell of insect repellent.I remember the ghecko's and frogs in the shower.I remember the pink stains the toothpaste would leave on my teeth because I couldn't use the tap water to wash it off.I remember the electricity that would come and go and the horrible bread that tasted like bananas.I remember eating curry for breakfast and the red bricks that scarred my hands and arms.


I remember all these things but mostly I remember the people that stole my heart.I remember the students who had so little but still shared with me.I remember their fascination with the things  I take for granted.I remember their genuine concern for my spotty,teenage skin.I remember their warm smiles and their attempts to teach me Tamil.I remember their stories and wish I knew them all,some so heartbreaking.I remember their graciousness and patience.They taught me so so much.


I remember Shiela who's house I helped build and the letter she sent me a year later on green floral paper.I remember her  humble nature and devotion to her son.I remember the horror in her face when she told me about her late husband and I remember holding back the tears while I listened.I remember she splashed water on my face and I worked hard in the heat and I remember her describing hunger and a bell jingling in her stomach.She turned everything into a positive.

I remember the kids that lived next door to her and the sheer delight in their faces when I gave them my disposable camera.I remember how the were so enthusiastic about learning about the Bible and it made me want to share the same excitement.They knew the father Abraham song of by heart and they sang it to us with such pride.I remember the prickly grass that 'beef jerkey' the cow grazed on and the flea bites that we got from sitting in the sand.I remember we bought them a ball and all their christmas' came at once.


I remember the Venket who looked after us all and the happiness in his face when he realised he had made a new friend.I remember his wife and her lovely nature.I remember how after every meal he told us we had just eaten snake and I loved his sense of humour.I remember how his hands were curled from the leprosy he had overcome and his feet were the same.I remember how he never let it get in his way.

I remember the calls from the mosque at 5 in the morning and it made me realise that I have it so easy.I remember some people telling me that they shared my God but I knew they had other gods too.This made me sad but I continued to explain.


I remember the new born babies that I visited in the hospital.So tiny and vulnerable,I wanted to take them home with me but that would be stealing.I remember the man who was wounded from leprosy and the bandages wrapped all over his body.I wanted to help him but there was no way I could.


I remember the man with no legs and the motivation he showed me.He continued to run a business by himself.He put his dissability behind him and got on with life,if he didn't his family would have no income.

I remember the appreciativeness in the faces of the students as we offered them Bibles.They took such good care of them and even after 2 years they still treasured them.Here we take it for granted.The Bible is ready and available to us and in a sense at our disposal.


There are so many people and things I remember and I could keep writing all day.I long to go back so badly.I feel like I keep reaching and nearly getting a grasp of the opportunity but it keeps being snatched from me.


I think we can learn so much from people in India.It's okay to not run to a schedule.It's okay to sit on your porch and watch.It's okay to walk into your neighbours house.It's a good thing to treat everyone like part of your family and it's amazing to share what little you might have.You see,people gave me funding to go to India three times,to help the people out there I feel terrible for taking this now.I know what I did impacted them to an extent but the effect these people had on me can never be put into words.They have made me who I am and shaped  what I believe.They changed me in every aspect.I was so reluctant to go their at the start and I know God sent me there for a reason.I know he placed each and every one of those people in my journey so I could learn and I know that I have friends that I will never forget.I know it will return some day I just must remain patient.

I think to myself...what a wonderful world....???

For L.Alicia,hope this helps.

I sat on the Dart this morning,headphones in,oblivious to the world.I looked out the window and saw the waves crash vigorously against the rocks.The sea was like a brown monster,roaring,consuming anything in it's path,devouring the rocks.It crashed again and again and the foam jumped up and touched the dark sky.The sand was nowhere to be seen,swallowed by the sea,swirling around the inside of it with no chance of escape.The seagulls had dissapeared,carried away by the wind.Few birds bopped on the waves.

I sat there in awe and the train continued to move quickly.The sky was spitting down,drops covered the glass on the windows and danced from top to bottom.I remembered when I was a kid the way I would try and chase the raindrops on my Grandad's car but I never could,they'd move too fast in the wind.You'd follow one and  then another one would arrive and replace it.They'd wiggle diagonally across the glass like soap in your hands,they would always escape you.I remember my Grandad and the great man that he was.I still miss him even years later.He was so patient and I hope I can be like that.If he taught me anything it's that you can be fun and a messer but still remain obedient.I hope I never forget what he taught me.I know recently it has stood to me but I hope it does forever.I want him to have an imprint on my life forever that I can teach my children and grandchildren too.It makes me sad that some of my brother's and sister's never met him but I hope I can somehow display what he was like to them.

I looked up at the sky.It was grey and brown and white.So many colours.It looked dirty,like it had been dragged across a muddy floor,collected all the dirt,holding it there,waiting to wring out.Like a person holds in emotion and eventually cries it out.When there used to be thunder and lightening my parents would tell me it was God moving the furniture up in Heaven so I wouldn't be scared.When I saw the waves it made me wonder what God was doing today?Washing the dishes?Cleaning the floor?I don't know but I was in awe.He is powerful enough to be in control of the waves and sea.That's some power!He takes all of our bad doings and forgives us regardless.It's like he takes a cloth and wipes the chocolate off our face the wrings out the cloth and it's forgotten.We look clean!The waves hit the beach and pull the dirt away.The next morning it is left clean.

The wind howled and the train shook.God really is at work.Such power.'Saviour,he can move the mountains?'I sing it all the time but I really do not doubt it.He has such power!When I see nature it always fascinates me.None of this happened by chance.A bang could never account for all the perfection that surrounds us.

I walked through the back gate of trinity,passed all the stone buildings.The wind sent chills down my spine and played havoc with my hair.The ground was wet and the air was moist.I breathed it in.Trinity College?Me?It's still a little crazy!!.I continued past the wooden benches,they were isolated and there were few students to be seen.The pink trees dripped and their petals lured into dancing by the wind.The ground was covered in a pink blanket and some flowers remained intact.They sat there,still,effortless,each one unique.

It's so amazing that each flower is so different,none the same.Every person is different,we all have our own little quirks.Some things we wish we could get rid of.My stupid laugh drives me crazy and Ed wears funny jumpers but there is nobody the same as either of us.God hand picked each thing about us and made us who we are.If you ever go to the bear factory you can pick every element of your bear and make them just the way you want them.You pick their voice,there heart,their name.Imagine that God did that for every single one of us?!It's okay for us,we hand over 20euro for the bear,he handed over his son.

I arrived at the library and faced an essay on language disorder.I thought of my brother and his speech.I know God made him the way he is.He is amazing in his own right.He inspires me everyday and I don't tell him enough how great he is.Disorder,deafness,pretty,stupid it doesn't really matter.God knows how many hairs are on your head,he knows every thought before you even think it and he knows where I'll be in a few years time.You having faults doesn't mean he doesn't love you.'He has knitted you together in your mother's womb' I know that scares you but you don't know what's next to come.

I'm just so in awe of how awesome God really is.It's easy to sing about it and take it for granted.He really can move mountains.He controls the wind and the waves.He made us all unique and he has given us life.Surely the challenges we face in sharing his good news are nothing in return for that?! :)

Nomi <3

:)

So this evening I got to do something amazing-share my faith with someone I barely know!!

I'm sorry this post won't be particulary imaginative or even exciting for some of you!Anyway,this evening out of the blue a student I give grinds to couldn't get his head around God's salvation.I tried to explain it is complicated terms,enough that he could get an essay from it but to no avail.He looked at me puzzled.He couldn't understand it.Eventually I decided to go back to what I thought was basic.I turned over my folder and drew two cliffs with no bridge between them.On one Cliff stood the student and on the other God.I then drew the shape of the cross between the two and it fit perfectly and I explained how Jesus dying on the cross took away our sin and gave us access to God.I shrugged it off by saying that he had probably seen the illustration a million time but when I looked up at him his face beamed with happiness.He was astonished.He had never seen it and suddenly everything clicked.He ran to get his younger sister who is a Christian and wanted to show it to her.He was so enthusiastic!!

I couldn't help but smile.What I had considered so small and taken for granted had made something click in his mind.We pushed it aside and continued on with the class.We talked about other religions and answered the essay questions.As it reached the end of the class he began to ask more,about God and the church and salvation and sin.I was so taken a back.I answered in the best ways that I could and I tried to back it up where possible.We talked for half an hour simply about the church!!I felt bad leaving,as I was walking out the door he was still asking me questions.He questioned God's opinions on gays and lesbians and so many other controversial topics.It was like there had been a person hiding inside him the whole time waiting to emerge,one that stayed quite and nodded.

It is amazing to see God working so much.I am constantly on the look out for ways to share my faith and I go to the extremes of writing whole college essays about the Bible in an attempt to evangelise my lecturers sometimes.Of course,this is complete maddness and irrelevant to my course.I've been brought close to failing on a number of occassions.

God really does give us opportunities when we least expect them!!

I am just so excited about what happened!!I have such a warm, fuzzy feeling inside me.I was exhausted before I started the class and now I'm wide awake,alive...God really is great!!

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide

I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show

I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross

But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

My friend once said to me that music is a universal language.He said that it doesn't matter where you are or where you're from you'll be able to understand the meaning behind any song.He said this and began to effortlessly play the piano.I watched in awe.He made it look so easy.I watched as his fingers raced up and down the keys.He didn't sing but his whole self became that song.He slipped into a different world while I stood there.With every key change he glanced at me from the stool,he looked tense and afraid.I felt him pour out his frustration,things that he could never say in person.He banged the keys.His whole life story un-ravelled like a ball of wool in front of me.The other person inside of him was revealed.The person was hurting and this was the only way he could express it.He had so much to say but he couldn't use his voice.I listened to his story and I knew he felt better once he'd stopped.I smiled and rubbed his back,he knew he had let me in.He placed his head on my shoulder and in a moment of silence it was clear that what he had been holding back had finally been shared.He had said nothing but he knew that I understood.

Some people make life look so easy.They speak effortlessly and share feelings with ease.They let people in quickly.They don't wear a mask.They're not afraid to let people in.They don't fear the rejection.They don't let past experience hang around their ankles like a chain.They cut it off and keep walking.They don't need a piano to bang out what they want to say.

The song above is about someones love and devotion to another.The pure happiness they find in that person and the belief that the sun shines through them.The belief that life is wonderful when they are graced by their presence.The belief that that individual brings meaning to their day and that they need no other.The words flow beautifully and the piano hums with ease.

I know this song is old and overplayed in some cases but it's message is universally understood.It's poetic tune opens a shortcut to the heart from the very beginning.From the humble piano at the start there is an instant understanding of the direction the song will take.You embark on a journey with this pair.One pouring out emotion like a fountain.His words are like water,they flow gracefully and splash out over people,giving every listener a little piece of his expression,giving them a keyhole view into the life he loves.Sharing with them the passion he feels for the other person.

I wish I could be more musical.I could write lyrics all day but I have no way of composing an appropriate tune.I wish I could effortlessly pour my heart out.I wish I didn't care what people thought and could let people in more quickly.I wish I didn't fear the unknown.I wish I could cry when I needed too and let people hug me better.I can use all the flowery language I like but they're just words.I feel like a Deaf person sometimes.I have a hold on what I want to say but I need an appropriate means to say it.I can wave my hands all I like but most people won't understand.I can create beautiful metaphors with my hands but it's only me who understands.The person I want to address doesn't understand me.It's music that is the key to opening that box of feelings inside.Music bridges the way between emotion and reality.

If I could write a song to explain how I'm feeling,I would.If I could write you a song to do justice to my words, I would.If I could know that you wouldn't laugh at me I'd tell you how I feel.If I could explain how you've hurt me while singing to piano, I would.You'd understand before I opened my mouth.If I could write a song about you it would be like the one above.I would soon ignore the hurt because your smile makes me forget.When your warm hands touch mine I know that I'm safe and when you wrap your arms around me I know that everything will be okay.When you grab my wrist I know that we're cool.When you joke with me I know that really you love the stupid things I do.When you look into my eyes I feel important,worthy of your time.When you smile at me,I know that I'm alive.When you you stand beside me I feel you breathing and my heart begins to race.

If I could give you my heart,I would.If I knew you wouldn't crush it,I would.If I knew I could trust you,I'd tell you everything.I'd let you listen to my crappy music collection and know exactly what I'm about.If I could guarantee that you'd be reading this I'd delete it.I care too much about what you think of me.I know, I'm impossible to read and you have no idea how much I value what we have.I'm full of talk and you think I don't care,in fact I couldn't care more.I know if you read this you would have no idea it's about you.I wish I could tell you instead of relying on a stupid blog to let me do the talking.

I wish I could write you a song,you could tell everybody that it was yours.Play it on repeat and appreciate it.I wish.I wish you felt the same.I know I can't and I know I must move on.A baker can't fix a car and a girl like me can't fix the world.I can't get inside you're head and know what you're thinking and until I have the music to sing my words I will remain a still statue.I will continue to show little.Await your approach.Remain as your friend.Know that our friendship benefits you.Know that you will never realise that your smile is my sun.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9AFMVMl9qE 

Rain

It always rains when things go wrong.It rained when I failed my driving test...twice.It lashed when I failed first year.It bucketed when my first love broke my heart and it hailed today when I realized I've been a fool.


The weather can reflect how we're feeling.In a way it empathizes with us but in a way it reminds us of the things that are going wrong.Thud thud thud.The cold rain hits,a heavy reminder.That sticky feeling when you run to get away from it.The dampness on your back.The frizziness in your hair.There for all to see.You hide under your hood but it can only hide so much.You can face the ground but the rain collects in puddles and wets your feet.You feel your mascara drip,the black stains showing all your mistakes.It's when it rains you are most vulnerable,your make-up peeling off your face,your red skin revealed.The real you.The weak individual that you try to keep inside.




The rain greases your hair,sadness makes you unattractive.Nobody likes a moan.People complain about the rain,they never embrace it.When the sun comes out people gather in numbers but when it rains people disappear,they don't want to get wet.


You need a get away card.An escape route.You see taxis but they drive through the puddles,splashing you in the process.You must continue through the rain.When you were a kid you had no worries,protected by the rain shield on your buggy.Your own little safety bubble.Sometimes I wish I could go back,sit in my buggy.Take note of everything said to me.Avoid the rain.


I wish I could shake this feeling.Step into the sun.See the weather forecast and be prepared for the rain.My jokes and humour can only get me so far.Eventually I will run out.I'll have to tell people how I really feel.Let them see my greasy,frizzy hair and my leaky mascara.I wish I had someone to walk with me through the rain and hold my umbrella while I hold onto my hood.I wish somebody would lift me over the puddles,save my feet from getting cold and wet.Not in a romantic sense but somebody who wouldn't judge me or leave me when they've had enough.Will want to be friends rain or shine.


So tomorrow if it rains,I will embrace it.Know that the sun must come soon.That damp feeling can be replaced by a warm one and cold feet can warm in front of the fire.I'll be armed with my wellies and ignore all the crap falling from the sky.

'For your heart is like a flower as it grows,and it's the rain not just the sun that helps it bloom'♥

Boxers

It seems to me that people are like boxer shorts.There's so much you can tell about a guy from his boxers.I know I'm not the only person that believes this.Numerous guys I know have admitted that their boxers reflect their personality.


 You see,most people don't see your boxers.Its only when you're running up stairs or bending over to get books out of your bag that it becomes an issue.It's when you're exposed that people can find out so much about you.


 This weekend I went to a conference.It was all about the Bible and Christian Unions in colleges and Universities all over Ireland.I found it so challenging.I felt like I was a guy running up the stairs,struggling to hide my boxers.I was running so quickly,trying to get to the top and not admit my lack of knowledge.I felt out of my depth and questioned myself many times.I didn't want to admit my struggles to anyone. I felt I let my walls down with a few individuals.Let them see my boxers in a sense.I let them see that they're plain and boring,light pink instead of the comic strip print I would like people to think. I learned so much from this weekend.Although I was challenged it had made me take action.it made me realise that people won't laugh at my pink boxers but in reality there are few people wearing cool ones.Lots of people struggle with the same things others do. I learned that it's okay to run up the stairs,letting people see your boxers a bit.Its good to let people in sometimes,you don't always need to have a brave front.Sometimes it's better to admit your struggles instead of clenching onto your trousers while you run.