Shower Time

You're the curl to my hair,
the cardigan to my dress,
the petrol to my car,
the cleaner of my mess

You're the happy to my smile,
the warm to my cold,
the cream to my cracker,
the one who tells me I'm young ,not old

You're water to Ribena,
scrambled to egg,
owl to city
and pillow to head.

Most of all you're my very best friend.
Funny,loving,compasionate ,
on you I depend!

Sorry its rushed,
and theres more  to come soon!
Just wanted to give you something,
you've had a stressful afternoon!

So here's a taster of whats still to come,
I have a few minutes to write this,
thanks Ellie's mum!

A sneaky opportunity,
a chance for me to say.
I love you my Elliekins,
please never go away! :)

xxxxxxx

 

Orange Juice

I'm your little bird with the broken wing,
take me inside and sit me by the fire,
nurture me like you always do,
you're 'not quite certain of my love' but I am,

Wrap your arms around me like you always do,
sit me on your lap and never let me go!
drink cold coffee,I've more than one Ed to thank.

'You're just too good to be true'he said that and you know it,
you let him lie and I don't know why.
You let me give a slice of my heart away and you arent gonna get it back for me!
You're my big brother you're suppossed to stick up for me.

You're just too good to be true,too good to be true,too good to be true,
too good to be ignored?too good to let go?Too good to pass by?

I miss her and her warm smile and her hugs.I miss everything about her.
The greatest person I knew!I miss just talking and how I was always in awe of her.
I know you thought I was all that,you told me everyday!
Someday I will be like her and never stop loving.Never stop caring,never stop believing!

She was too good to be true.Too good to ignore.To good not to love.
She was great and that's better than just good!

She was more to me than any guy who claimed that he could give me the sun.
Greater than the guy that pulled me through it all and proceeded to break my heart.
Greater than anyone I have ever known!
Greater than the timing of all of this rubbish that I can't run away from!

Lord,you're more than too good,more than too great.
It doesn't matter how good he told me I was,how much he lied,I can never be like you,
your love for me is indescribable.Incomprehandable!

You love like no other and you take me in with my broken wings.
You bandage them up and send me out,ready for more!

I seem like I'm angry but really I'm greatful!Greatful that you allowed me so much time with my wonderful Nana.
Greatful that you let me sit and hold her hand.Greatful that I know she's with you now.
Her wings have been mended and she can soar.

Greatful that I can get through this mess and focus on you.
Greatful that you gave me the friends I have to hug me and listen even when I don't want to.
Greatful that you made me so that I would love,even when I regret it.

Mostly I'm greatful that you're my Lord!
Greatful that you have saved me and some day I will sit by your throne,
everyone in harmony with music that sounds better than Ed Sheeran and with a joy that tastes better than innocent orange juice.

You placed him in my life for a reason and someday I will know,
what was once strawberries now tastes like sour milk,
I hate it but I've spat it out.
It'll linger but you'll wash it away with time.

Thank you Lord that I know you'll help me out,
I know you care.
I know you don't lie.
I know you don't care if I end up a cat lady but you'll look after me even if I do!

Thank you for Nana.
Thank you for her loving heart,
thank you that I won't forget her.

Thank you thank you thank you!

Ketchup

The pigeon lolloped along the platform,like Tich Miller in that Junior cert poem.It hobbled with difficulty,one foot and one stump.It flew and it stoped,flew and stopped.Wind blew and trains past.

The wind howled and my hair moved with it.My scarf hit my face and my teeth chattered.You handed me one of your gloves and we continued to walk,arm in arm,we were just friends.

I put up my hand and said what I thought.Plucked up the courage and backed up my point.

It lolloped along.Struggled to move.Stopped for a break and cooed and cooed.

With one glove each,we were content.The definition of best friends.You grabbed my cold hand and I grabbed yours we walked along and it felt normal.

You're wrong!I said,or that's what it amounted to.Unethical.Immoral.It makes me angry!

The pigeon sat down on the bench beside me,timid and shy but I reached out to stroke it,

'Be quiet' you said,'it doesn't matter'.'Let me do the talking,just stand there and look nice'

"I'm sorry,this may sound silly' I said 'but I strongly disagree'

The pigeon just sat there and I gently stroked it's feathers,cooeing.A friend in a sense though I never admit it

you walked away angry,your face shone red.'I'm your friend not your girlfriend' was all I had said.When you finally calmed down and you pulled me in close,I never wanted it to end wanted you to always protect me.

'you see,for me,my beliefs they amount to more than that.I can't just sit back and watch things happen.We need action and change and we need it now!'

Now I never see the pigeon,I don't save it some lunch.I never carried it home with me.Trains and pigeons don't go so well together.

You were like my big brother and I miss wearing your gloves and you hoodies and jackets.Mostly I miss you!Believe it or not!I miss how you stink of smoke and our 'hugs and chats'.I can't be the same with anyone else and I hope you realise that I do care.

I continue to argue,fight for what I believe.It's all thanks to you you know,you brought me out of my shell.I miss the Pigeon and tell myself it's gone on holidays.Like you it's dissapeared,never to be seen!I miss you I do but I'm so greatful,It's only a year later that I'm realising how much I have to thank you for.Before I was like the pigeon who 'lolloped' around aimlessly.Now I'm sure of myself and what I want to say.

I hope some day we can be friends again and I hope you'll come back,I hope I find another pigeon friend and I hope I never stop disagreeing with my lecturer.

If you read this,love you Ed! x

I've taken a break from this recently but for anyone who's been asking,don't worry,I'll be back soon!!

Cabbage

The sun peeked through the window and the heat of the room felt heavy on my shoulders.I looked to the table and chopped the cabbage in front of me.Voices spoke quickly in a language I didn't understand.They raced around the room,laughs,screams,whispers.For the first time in my life I felt deaf.I could see what was happening around me but couldn't get involved.I was on the edge in a way that was a distant memory.Like a timid first year in the school corridor.I inputted nothing.I feared conforontation.Feared the unfamiliar.I just chopped the cabbage.I smiled occassionally at the young boy across from me,he smiled back but it was forced.I wondered what I was doing here.I had people with me but I felt so alone.I wondered what had become of me.I could only think about my own fear.

Chop chop chop.The wooden board rattled as the knife hit down on top of it.Romanians love cabbage and they eat it 'til there's none left.7 more awaited me but with relief I continued to chop.It was familiar,I didn't need to worry.My head filled me thought, I focused on what I had to do but couldn't help thinking of the brokeness that surrounded me.The room was full of people who were hurt,lonely,abandoned and misunderstood.The faces that surrounded me smiled but inside they were falling apart,chopped to pieces like the cabbage.They wanted a friend,someone who could help them.I doubted I was that person but I wanted so badly to be.I wanted to be the friend they were longing,the shoulder they could cry on and the adult they could confide in.Chop chop chop,many cabbages later,I was just that.I had become a part of their lives.The smiles were no longer forced and the friendships were sincere.We walked down the street hand in hand and I knew they never wanted to let go.When I tried to leave the gates three weeks later they clutched onto my waist and squeezed onto my arms.I was leaving and abandoning the role I had found.

I reached for the onion and smiled again at the young boy.He handed me a smaller knife,this time the smile not forced.I fanned my face with the closest sheet of paper and embarked on the task at hand.Chop chop chop.Water streamed from my eyes and the children laughed.Little did I know that in three weeks time they would stream in the same way but for a different reason.As I left the gates a hand grabbed onto mine,'please come back'she whispered to me.'I'll do my best'I responded,I hate having to break promises.'That's what everyone says'she cried and the tears began to stream from her face,nothing to do with the onion but from my own abandonment.

I pulled my suitcase to the car and a line of my new found friends followed behind me.They helped me lift the bags in and hugged me so that I wouldn't leave,I had to.Tears rolled down my face uncontrollably,I covered it with a smile but I could only fool myself.My layers had been stripped away and I was vulnerable.My feelings were on show and I didn't like it.The moment I had waited three weeks for was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life.I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and I reluctantly closed the door of the car.Hands grabbed me through the open window.We moved and it was from then on I realised that there is nothing like the sincerity that I found in that place.Those friendships had shaped me in a way I will probably never be able to comprehend.

Fast forward 1 week from that point.I am sitting at a kitchen table.Sat across from me is a boy who was once young.I smile at him but his smile is forced.We were once good friends but there was something that tore us apart.Surrounding me are people of different backgrounds and different careers.They are all broken but in a different way.They are talking but I'm not getting involved.Their conversations are shallow and I can't help but get annoyed.Why am I here?Why am I back?How can I ever adjust back into this shallow society?Why does it matter  what man you have on your arm or what course you study in college?All I can think of is those children that I've left behind and the uncertain future that they face.I'll be fine,I have a family and friends and a potential career but they have no certainty.What am I doing here?What role do I have to play?Will I just settle back in and forget all I've learned?

In Romania I left behind 20 of the most inspiring people I have ever met.You taught me how to really love and love like Jesus did.You taught me to move away from my selfish ways and so much more that I probably havn't realised yet.I hope that I will never forget you and never give in to the shallow existance that I once lived.I hope to see you all again!

Nomi <3

Open your eyes

I can't talk in case my tongue falls out,I can't look in case you catch me.I can't think because you've clouded my mind and I can't sleep because cheesy as it is you fill my dreams.

You put a smile on my face,make my tummy feel like I've drank too much 7up.You make me concentrate on how to breath because I'm so focused on you I forget.

You make me feel like I'm 16 again,make me cringe.I can't compose myself when I'm near you.You make me do that stupid dance and you wrap your arms around me without asking.I smile and say little but on the inside I'm beaming. Your so talented and just looking at you fills me with happiness.Your fuzzy hair is soft like mine.You let me ruffle it and you never send me away.You wear silly shorts but I don't care.You wear your heart on your sleeve and draw them in the sand.You call me by name and look into my eyes when you speak. You make me happy and I'm dreading your departure.I want to tell you how I feel but I can't.I'm scared and the thought changes that 7up feeling to one of pain,like I've eaten too much pasta.I want to say it but I can't. I know you won't read this but if you ever do I want you to know you're a wonderful person!When I say little it's because I'm scared you won't like what I say.When I look at the ground and talk its because I'm afraid.Afraid of rejection again.I'm afraid you won't like me.I'm afraid you won't wrap your arms around me and you won't be interested in what I say. So,although I'll never say it I want you to know,you're the cardigan to my dress,the cherry to my bake well,the Florence to the Machine and the snow to Patrol.I know you love them and your music taste is better than mine.I know I won't forget about you but fear you might forget about me.Fb friends forever?Perhaps.I want to see you again though.Ultimately,you make me light up in a way you couldn't imagine! Xx

Sugar Lumps

Sometimes I can't help but feel that I'm being left behind.I'm running the race of life but I'm coming in behind everyone else.I've got the good runners but they're getting me nowhere,I look the part but I still can't win.Good things are happening,the path is smooth but the I hit a sharp corner,my optimism doesn't expect it and I'm down with a crash.

I don't want to be the red faced friend that rubs you on the back when you're upset but have to sit by myself when I am.I don't want to smile and sort everything out so that you can progress but know that I'll never change.I don't want to be the one who's painfully shy and sits and watches while you wrap yourself around any guy you can find.I don't want to be like that either but I don't want to sit like a wall flower in the corner,a decoration with little to give.That's what it feels like,I'm there to be looked at but nothing more.I don't want to be the joker but never the friend.I don't want to just be funny,I want to be cool.I don't want to be the lyrics,I want to be the song.I want to be pretty,not just have pretty clothes.I want to escape but something's holding me back.I want to be your friend not your rucksack,why can't you carry your own crap?!

I want to feel important,not just like every other person.I want you to run with me not miles ahead because you know I won't mind.Coming last is fine,I'll joke it off,I always do.Failing is inevitable in life,right?Everyone knows that?!I say that but sometimes I have to work hard to convince myself that it's true.

I want to surf like nobody has before,find my thing that nobody can take me down on.I wanna be great at something that's not teaching or telling people they're fantastic or writing peoples essays for which I don't get the credit.I wanna find that thing right now.I want to excel and be the one at the front of the race.

I want to be more than just the super milk that hangs in the back of the fridge.I want people to realise that nobody can have everything.It's okay to have compassion but not confidence,it's okay to love McFly and not Bon Iver.It's okay to smell like Eternity and not Chanel and it's okay to prefer John to Edward,it's okay to want to stay home and not go out.It's okay to not mind being by yourself and it's okay to go for a walk in a dress.It's okay to be the mature one sometimes and it's okay to have made mistakes,that's what I tell myself anyway?!

I want to surprise people in some way,I don't want them to become complacent with the way I am.Mostly, I wish I didn't feel that I needed people's approval.I wish I didn't care what they thought.I wish I was just running the race for fun not for competition.I wish I could say all these things to you and explain how you've upset me but I know I'd stutter.I can write for hours and I never forget where I'm going.I know I will win this race some day,when it's my time I've just gotta keep training.